I’m grieving because I lost a good friend…..a girl I treasured. And before you start with the condolences, she didn’t die, she just got a boyfriend. The last time I saw her was when her relationship was a month old. She is quiet on WhatsApp groups, never available for hangouts and she takes days to reply to messages or even pick up a call. When she is available to meet up, she will often cancel the date the last minute saying something has come up. You can rest assured that something is centered around her man.
She will text the occasional happy birthday, drop a comment on IG how we should catch up for coffee that’s never fruitful. She is not the first friend to go MIA on me after getting into a relationship. I’m not the only one she has gone quiet on, she is a ‘deadbeat’ friend to everyone in our friendship circle as well. The saddest part about this whole scenario is that these ‘deadbeat’ friends will forget their girls until their relationship hits rock bottom. That’s when they come back expecting you to welcome them with open arms and provide a shoulder to cry on.
Men rarely neglect their friends just because of a new relationship. He will always make time to spend with his ‘boys’. He will never cancel hangouts with his friends just to spend time with his girlfriend. So why do women neglect their friends when they start dating? Is it that women cannot balance their roles as friends and as a girlfriend, or what is the problem? I am of the opinion that a girl should be able to date her man and still make time for her girls.
It is okay for a person to get excited about the relationship at first, and maybe go on a love-binging escapade, but with time she should find a balance.
Most women lose themselves in a relationship and that’s why they forget their friends. The moment they get into a commitment everything they do revolves around their partner. They spend all their time trying to make their boyfriends happy and unconsciously forget about themselves. One thing that would help you take time and reflect about your own life is spending time with your friends. A good relationship will always respect you taking time off to do your own things, say meet family and friends. A good movie and chat with friends is a good opportunity to give your man a breather. Stop focusing on your relationship so much you forget other important things in your life.
Women also stop hanging out with their friends because their boyfriends do not like their girlfriends. He may often say, “your friends drink too much”, “they gossip too much” or “your friends are too idle”. Slowly the girl begins forming relationships with people in her boyfriend’s circle. Yes, I do not refute the fact that some friendships are toxic to a relationship. But if it is a healthy friendship your man shouldn’t tell you with whom you can or cannot be friends with. What happens when your relationship crumbles? Who will you run to?
Article Published on The Star
Cover Photo Courtesy: Bossip